Butterflies, Rocks, and Fairies

Every

     single

time

  I turn

on

     to

   our road

and catch glimpse

   of

his car

     sitting

in the driveway

-I forget-

     and

the

  butterflies

     in

         my

stomach

   turn

     to

stones.




Missing him always hurts but it's in those subtle everyday moments of missing, where I often find myself, that...well...take my breath most. 



Which brings me to something Ruth said this afternoon as we romped about town, running errands. 
     "It feels good to release your feelings to someone else..."



I have to admit, it does.


Of course, that bit of wisdom came from the same girl who also asked me if I believed in fairies then proceeded to tell me, "Not believing in fairies is like not believing in air!  I just don't understand how anyone could be so cavalier?"



(And for the record, I believe in fairies...)

Wedding Days

I think part of the fun of getting the new laptop (aside from it not spontaneously freezing and stalling for twenty minutes or shutting down and restarting without permission) is going through old files and pictures.  I'm finding things from four or five computers ago...from college...from before Ruth...before Ben...

(And suddenly I realize it's possible I really HAVE lived all thirty two of these years I tell people I've lived... Wow, that's crazy!)

What caught my heart today?

My and Chris's wedding days.  Not the first one but the second ones...



Him...

I packed my life into boxes and drove from Austin to Ft. Walton Beach on a cold, windy day in December. The only person I know in this isolated beach front town is him and I'm scared.

Yesterday, I asked him what he would have done if he hadn't found me and he said, "I'd be searching for you."

...and with that, I leave you with why I would do it all over again.

Love,
me